New York State of Mind

In Norwalk Hospital Psychiatric ward, my best friend currently sits. Coming, what ever it was that has come (I have researched on the internet but dont really know) she has caught or developed or grew, I cant say I saw it.
Though when I spend the time (believe me I have) I can pick about pieces of the last 25 years and say I saw it coming. It came on so fast but then it has been developing for a long time.

This (psychotic breaks) seems to be happening more and more often. We are fragile, fragile conflageration of cells. We as a society are falling about physically and mentally.

With Karen we can blaim in on many things but we can't blaim it on New York. When another friend of mine ended up in the nut house over a year ago the easiest target in that case was New York. Not the state. More like the New York State of Mind. When that young fellow was sprung loose from six weeks in the loony bin he was more determined then ever to stay in New York. But this determination waned and he started to hate this retchid cesspool

There is the long ago past. i.e growing up with an alcoholic father
There is the recent past. i.e breaking up with her boy friend who she lived with for 6 years.

To make the long story short last saturday she fell into a deep dark pool of paranoia.
Everybody was in on the plot. Her friends her family her coworkers were all plotting against her. Even the doctors (eye doctor) were violating her rights. It got me thinking that everybody has dipped there toes in the paranoia pool from time to time. I myself have but then forces of logic have pulled me out.
But last weekend Karen was full- on, full- body, skiny- dipping in the big black soupy pool of paranoia

Reality TV?

My Brother Blog, in his diatribe, asks a lot of questions. I dont believe, in 50 plus posting, I have asked one question. Its all been statements. And in Brother's third posting he questions 'why blog at all. Why do we feel the need to publish our inner most thoughts for all the world to see? Well I can tell you one thing, these are not my innermost thoughts. If you read my innermost thoughts your eyes might burn out of the socket.
Well let me ask a question. What is our current most vehement obsession? Reality TV. Everyday new titles are surfacing. Variations on titles. Sub variations on titles.
At some point everyone is going to have either worked for a reality show or been in a reality show.
The rest of us we have our blogs.

(ins) pirat (ion)?

Maybe a little more. Before I quit forever.

Yester I went to the NYCHA sponsored Kingsbourough Project at Ralph and Atlantic. A little side note the C line was supposedly destroyed for five years, a few short weeks ago but came back to life. Well I took the C line just for the bugs hit streets (see past posting for explaination (kids from school) . I could feel the tension on the subway and the streets, like the quiet before the storm. So once at Kingsbourough I walk to Leithas one bedroom on the first floor. She answers the door with out her teeth in. But otherwise she had eye shadow and her nails are curved into multi colored claws.
We sit down and talked about whether people can change. Do we believe people can change? I believe any one can, absolutley everyone except for abusive spouses.

On Saturday

On Saturday I went to..........

I just read Ians recent Blog entry and boy I can not compete. I give up. I have nothing to say. I am sorry to waste your time.
Please forgive me.

How is everything going with you Marc?

I am feeling uninspired.

I spent the last two days at my desk in a room with no windows. The heat was on in the building even though temperature out side had risen to a balmy 55 degrees. Not a good situation when what I am wearing is my long dead uncles old cashmire sweaters. I think I even started to smell alittle.
At three oclock everyday I would venture outside just to get the five minutes of sunlight to keep me from getting seasonal effective disorder, to get a cup o coffee and fight my way through the bugs buzzing around on the street. (kids coming home from school)

At night, I trudged down Flatbush avenue back home. So uninspiring.

I feel like maybe spring is coming. I can't wait for the buds on the trees that make everything look asian. But the weather guru said snow on sunday. So much for asian.

Good I was worried.

I was worried that you were reading this.

I thought only Noel reads this.

I have been leaving Brooklyn quite a bit lately. On Sunday I took the Long Island Rail Road, got on at the Flatbush ave station, to see Sister Margaret Williams, got off at Rockville center. Mag and her buddy Caritas. Caritas one of the last Nuns who wears a habit because it helps keep her from getting speeding tickets. Mag, Caritas and I went to a local greek diner and I witnessed the power of the habit. The owner came over to Caritas 'oh hello Sister, good to see you again Sister'. Mag gets a kick out of it. Though it does not push her to ever whip out the habit again. Maybe she just likes to know she a secret member of this club.
Back at Mag's apartment Mag asked me what a Blog was. I tried to log on to show her but could not even get on my own Blog. Maybe it is for the better because there may have been something imcriminating.

Today I spent the day in Staten Island, all day. Yuck!

A theme song?

Condeleeza Rice has a theme song that is part of the campaign for president for 2008. Huh?

Do you read this Marc?

Russia?

This week in Brooklyn the weather was going nuts. Up, down, chaos. -20 degree gusts of wind whipping large paper bags up two stories above the ground and then felt like they were going to pick the car up just like Dorathy in the movie. I thought to myself this must be what Siberia is like. Well this afternoon my credit card company called me at work. I answered the phone and a woman asked me 'Jessica, we were wondering have you made any charges in Russia recently? ' What I ask? Aparantly all week someone has been withdrawing money on my credit card all over Russia. Good thing is they are not going to make me pay for it. What do you know. I felt like I was in Russia while my credit card actually was.

Sheesh Noel

My post has nothing to do with your comments (or do they?).
Since my last post the weather has erupted into global chaos. The suposed advent has spring flipped the script on us and turned Brooklyn into a version of Siberia.
The day after the 70 degrees day Ivon, my co worker, wanted me to accompany her to the sea of project in Brownville for necessary 48 hour visit to a new case. Ivon has to balance her check book and call her cousin before we leave the office. After we leave we take the 4 train to get her car at Utica. The wind is wipping around us in medium size tornado's. Plastic bags of all sizes are flying by us. At one point the wind rattles the car almost like it is going to pick it up but it doesn't. Snow came down earlier that day. Aparantly the snow had become impacted on all hard surfaces. Not very good for Ivon and her high heal boots. Wind still wiping everywhere. We drive to the P J 's in Brownsville. Trying to find damn 230 Osborne or was it 270 Osborne or was it 280 Osborne. Well the long of the short of it is we never found it. Brownsville was hell that night. The couple minutes out side were painfull. Hell is not fire and heat. Hell is trying to find an adress you never been before in the Brownsville projects on a night of 10 below 50 mile per hour winds wipping garbage all around you, 8:00 at night and hungry to boot.
Ivon was wearing her high heal boots also.
Tonight Ivon roped me into the journey again. She knew exactly to go. We park and I hide my wallet in my bra.
I spend the next hour trying to entertain myself in a dumpy apartment with hoards of rugrats jumping about while Ivon interviewed the necesary adults and looked at the physical plant. I was able to organize the rugrats into an Americas next top model competition. Turns out Jaquan, the 11 year old boy loves to dress up in womans clothes.

Its sunny today

Yes it was. And I spent the day in Manhattan at the Institute of Audio Research. Why did I leave Brooklyn you ask. Well I do that every now and then. I try not too. But today I went to IAR open house with Ralph. Very interesting, everythings is done on computer now. The face of music recording has changed over the last two years.

Well since the City has become a novelity to me, somewhere I go every six weeks or so, I wanted to stay. So we did. We went around the to the parks and sat in the chilly sunlight. Yes it was.

Then later Back in Brooklyn. I graced the free night at the Brooklyn Museum of Art thinking I would see the Basquiat visit. No its not there. Six more days. I did see the archives on exibition. Oh Wow all different types of teapots and silverware sets. Art deco I guess.
But what I did see was a one woman play called 'the beautiful hills of Brooklyn'. The writer had found her great aunts journel writen 76- 78. The aunt was living in Flatbush, her memory fading away and the neighborhood was changing. ,