Alone in this world

Felix is sleeping again. Thank god. Some times when he is awake I enjoy him so much; his every move, his every look, his every babble delights me. But then some times I just can't even function around him. Like tonight. He is sitting below me
When I came home i think I was so overwhelmed by the baggage of my day, the grand old mess of my week, the sky will not stop pissing. R---, my grand old sig.. other does what he does so well, packs up and utters 'gotta step out'. I get so overwhelmed with lonliness I a can nolonger hold it together. I remember what Karen said to me once 'We are all just alone in this world'. No matter hard we try to surround ourselves with friends, family and loved ones we are just alone in this world.

Alone in this world

Felix is sleeping again. Thank god. Some times when he is awake I enjoy him so much; his every move, his every look, his every babble delights me. But then some times I just can't even function around him. Like tonight. He is sitting below me
When I came home i think I was so overwhelmed by the baggage of my day, the grand old mess of my week, the sky will not stop pissing. R---, my grand old sig.. other does what he does so well, packs up and utters 'gotta step out'. I get so overwhelmed with lonliness I a can nolonger hold it together. I remember what Karen said to me once 'We are all just alone in this world'. No matter hard we try to surround ourselves with friends, family and loved ones we are just alone in this world.

Confidence crisis.

Felix is sleeping in the other room and I am thinking, watching 'Ugly Betty', wishing for a rock, an anchor, someone to pull me back in. A fortune cookie I opened today said 'look to elder for advice when in a confidence crisis', So much is going on that I can not even elaborate. I have no faith in anything. I don't trust anyone. And also who knows who is Googling. They, those Googleer may see something incriminating. My profile has been viewed 284 times.

Messed up

So I here I am. I messed up. To all of you who are reading this I messed really badly.
You know I realized that maybe all these dozen and dozens of job interviews that I have gone on over the years have never come to any fruition because they may have googled me. Damn. Well I have two job interviews on Friday.
Today I was speaking with my brother in Africa and he really drilled in the fact that I messed up. I can't even talk about it hear because potential employers maybe googling me. I even tried to take my last name out of the profile and still when I googled myself this blog shows up. I can not believe that I used to complain about my lack of web presence. Shoot. Well I have a case at work were a woman is consistently making bad choices with men. This resulting in a decade long battle with child welfare. Am I in that league? I doubt it but my choices have not put me in no the greatest position. Why am I in this position that I am in? Because i make bad choices? Isn't he cute? Looks like that diaper is on a bit tight? He is active and has a lot of teeth. I really really love him. He brings order. I really appreciate him.

xxx large orange jump suite

Hello! I just want to tell you I am hating my job today. Here I am at midnight googling a woman who is has been sitting in prison since last June. I really want to know when she is getting out of prison because I know she hates me. She and all 400 pounds of her in that triple X large Orange jumpsuit, not enjoying the spoils of her cons. She will not hurt me with brute force. She will get me her cunning.

Well my Google results are the same articles about her from last year. Katrina victim can not get her fair share of aid. Woman charged with fraud and grand Larceny. She pretended to be a Katrina Victim and on top of that she embarrassed the New York Times. The reporter did the initial article with out any research.

Welcome to June-uary. That not June- uary in the picture. That is January. I will talk about the weather because everyone else is. Though now at 11:00 at night I am told we are in for a drop.

Today I walked around Park Slope for most of the day and heard snatches of conversation. Most of those snatches were about the weather. Today, January 6 people were walking around in flip flops an tank tops. I even heard a heard a woman say to another, 'dammit I just blew out my flip flops'; What does that mean? I am assuming that that the straps broke. Isn't that a line in 'Wasting away in Margarittaville'? After that snatch I could not get margarita's out of my mind for a block and a half. Though my last margarita experience was less than perfect. I ordered a pitcher at Burrito Bar and felt dissatisfied with the amount of Tequila. None at all it seemed.

Well, I went to go buy a plant (one of the only things I knocked off my list) near the clock tower and the place had its bare winter supply. I bought a Christmas Cactus. Because its winter and that was about all that was there.

By the way that big clock tower is being changed in 'baller condos'. That what the guy behind me said when I was crossing the street to the barren Garden Center.

I have lost my concentration.

Has anyone seen the commercials on TV claiming that 'smoking is eating you alive'. Damn I wish those commercials were on TV when I was growing up. It would have saved me a lot of money.

The cost of cute. (and being a mom)

Wow here I am almost eight weeks after promising the biggest blog era ever. Where have I been? The question is more like where has my computer been. It has been held hostage by some crazies over at on first and seventh.

I discovered that after my brothers both visited in the beginning of November she would not turn on. I brought her to this operation over on first and seventh under the banner 'The microchip cafe'. Well it took them seven or so weeks, five visits on my behalf to nag them, and all they did was change the power cord. Well, here I am once again to live up to my promise. I really don't know what direction to take regardless of the obsessive direction of my brother. Blogs are stressful. Especially when one sounds semi literate in ones conversation. Certain people whine 'put it in your blog'. Well I will do my best.

I spent the evening on the Internet looking for a Gymboree close by for FP to stretch his legs a bit. The little guy a little cranky because our apartment cramped and he needs to stretch his legs. See above picture

My day consisted of traveling to Staten Island by Ferry, to walk a to the family court. I was wearing my extremely pointy, high healed cowboy boots. Very cute. But tonight my feet are swollen up to watermelons and they hurt like hell. Most women know that it hurts to be cute. Thats something my mother never taught me; the cost of cute.

On the way back on the ferry I was thinking what if the ferry crashes and into the harbor. I will either drown; or get knocked unconscious; or I will end up in the hospital, conscious but unable the come home (two broken legs). Either of the three my cell phone would definitely be at the bottom of the harbor. And the phone is where the babysitters number is. I have no home number. Ralph is in Haiti this month. What will happen with Felix while I am in the hospital? Unconscious? Dead? Even after the ferry docked safely and I was walking down the stairs I thought what if I fall? Well I didn't. i am safely home. Is This the cost of being a mom?